What is a religious extremist? It’s the most boring thing you will ever do with your kids. The internet (and soon to be movie, TV, radio, etc.) I’m gonna give him a big piece of chicken and when he fall asleep, we go back to having our house, ha-ha!”. You have to do it. You don’t want no parts of this shit, man. The only man that owns anything is a single man, okay? And, fellas, here’s a test right now. What other fantasy things are you gonna take out of my life? Now, Rock is treating fans to even more of those critically lauded jokes with Chris Rock: Total Blackout, The Tamborine Extended Cut, which hits the streamer next week. That’s right, when you are in a relationship, you’re in a band. They actually say that shit. Thanks a lot, Mr. Weinstein. Play it with a fucking smile. âª, ⪠All my cats with open cases Big cars, and no license âª, ⪠All my n*ggas that say pause After they say some fucked up shit âª, ⪠Jigga shit Roc-A-Fella forever, yo âª, Your email address will not be published. [imitating preacher] “God does not make⦠mistakes.”, “I say God⦠does not⦠[harmonizes] make⦠mistakes.”, God don’t make no mistakes? “Let me get on top. Who’s gonna figure out global warming? Yo, the justice system in America should be just like Walmart. Suckers work. In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on ⦠Let me get on top. You racist brat, stop it.” “Daddy, that man, he’s got antennas. It’s weird. Every one of you, I want you to know every dime you spent tonight is going towards putting little Black girls through private school. I see my kids all the time. It’s just weird, man. That’s right. That’s right, you in a band. It’s like, “Wow, look at this whole⦠town, just here.” I’m looking at all these people and realize, everybody in this room is far more educated than me, everybody. I make sure they go back to her with a story like, “Mama, Mama, Drake helped me with my homework.” “Lady Gaga made me a grilled cheese sandwich.”. The note says, “Eddie Murphy is here.” So, Richard’s working. See, the mortgage make you act right. Should I wipe my mouth with it or is that what Whitey wants me to do?” Ever since they was born, everything in my house, hot, heavy, or sharp. That’s right. It’s just a few bad apples.” “It’s just a few bad apples.” “Bad apple”? He’s scary.” “No, it’s dreadlocks, Lola. Just a little. Chris Rockâs 2018 Netflix stand-up special, Tamborine, is getting remixed, renamed, and rereleased by the streaming network this month. That’s right, that’s right. You think I got a manger, what? It’s so nice. And if you’re on tambourine, play it right. Remember the pussy strike of 2013? I got Black kids. Yo, they need an airline for people that don’t give a fuck. And to be so close to me, but yet so motherfucking far. Ladies, you gotta fuck your husbands. Every problem you have today, you had when you met. Divorce, man. America’s insane, man. It’s like, “Okay. Jan. 4 (UPI) -- Chris Rock will be releasing an extended cut of his 2018 comedy special Tamborine titled Total Blackout Jan. 12 on Netflix. And I realized everybody in the room was born to much better circumstances than me. The new version of the special, titled Chris Rock: Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut, makes its Netflix debut on Tuesday, January 12, and will feature ânever-before-seen jokes, interviews, and behind the scenes footageâ not included in the original special. You wanna stay together. I cheated. And starts playing his stuff and puts some extra blind in it. There were a few white people there, too. I thought, “I pay for everything, I can do what I want.” That shit don’t fucking work. Remember, you used to be able to pick grandmother up at the gate? They could be anything they wanna be? I got some witnesses. Number two. But, you know, women cheat, too. Um, thank you. What the⦠Are you⦠My daughter, when she was little, was like, “Daddy, that lady, she’s so scary. Rihanna looked at me like I was one of her aunts. You dip your hand in lard. “What she look like?” Ladies, when you meet a new guy, what do your friends ask you? I’m so fucked up, man. I don’t know how to talk politics. You can’t miss nobody today. So, I’m with my daughter, this year she started high school. That’s right. You guys all right. That shit is crazy, man. They will shoot 100 people in Vegas, okay? Housewives are the smartest motherfuckers on Earth. Coming to you straight from the Rialto Square Theatre in Joliet, IL to your seat at home! If you got a good mortgage, God has blessed you. That’s right, fellas, you don’t own a house. Oof, What Are We to Do with Siaâs New Movie. “Remain Seated,” his latest solo special, will show you why this Grammy nominated, multi-platinum recording artist, and Billboard award winner is at the top of his game. That’s all that happens all day is people come up and lie to children about the future. Fucking Mississippi. Yep. You get desensitized, you know? So, I bought a house around the corner, okay? He could’ve been in the trailer with us watching The Godfather. You’re looking out the window and you’re like, “What the fuck? Who’s gonna solve the problems of the world? I’m like, “Where are you going? First of all, you don’t wanna be a man in family court, and you don’t wanna be a Black man in any court. What should I put, Cedric the Entertainer?”. A mortgage that allows you to live your life. If you gonna play tambourine, you play that motherfucker right. When you watch too much porn, you know what happens? It was tart. ‘Cause some of y’all been in a relationship so long, you don’t know how ugly you are. You have a hard time with eye contact and verbal cues. I read the comments, motherfucker.” “I gave you five likes, bitch. Dude, I was married for 16 years. Trying to get my life together, man. ‘Cause, hey, ’cause the world is fucked up, man. And Richard stands at the end, and Eddie comes to the step, they walk away together. You hear me? How many times you been ready to smack the shit out of somebody at work? I mean, I’ve been hunting. Not with one⦠We’re only on first Black president. Like, “Ah, they’re naked.” Ooh-hoo! Fucking kidding me? We should invite your mother.”, Shit. And somebody comes on and goes, “Well, we can’t change the gun laws ’cause Americans need the right to hunt. And make it. My father used to leave for work at 6:30 in the morning, come home at 8:30 at night, and during the day, him and my mother had no contact at all. If you got one of those mortgages, just get out of that shit. That shit’s a job. Peace makes my dick hard. That’s right. Like, I got a million-dollar house with no beds?” Okay. If you want pretty flowers, you need a little shit. I’m walking around, looking around today, and I wonder⦠You would think that cops would occasionally shoot a white kid just to make it look good. She will leave you either physically or mentally. Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut 2021 16 1h 37min Comédia Nesta versão estendida do especial de 2018, Chris Rock faz uma apresentação repleta de comentários ácidos sobre paternidade, infidelidade e a política americana. Like, “Hey. Where you’re like a meth addict. Chris Rock Re-edits a Special, and the Result Is Fascinating With âTotal Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut,â the comic effectively erases the stamp of the ⦠That’s a lesson you need quick. And don’t get mad. He’s been there for nine presidents, right? I was like, “Okay. Oh, don’t get me wrong, they’ll fuck your wife. I’m not famous from miles away. It’s like fucked up. In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on fatherhood, infidelity and politics. Please. First it was, uh, Herbie Hancock and he was amazing, likeâ¦, Then Stevie Wonder kinda snatches the mic from Herbie Hancock, right? Number two, okay? Nobody in the whole world gives a fuck about you. Donald Glover And Phoebe Waller-Bridge Are. “Strokes a good dick, don’t she? Fantasia’s opening for him. Shit’s expensive.”, That’s right. Man, I had to go to rehab, get the porn patch. When did shampoo become so dangerous? I got to get them ready for America, man. You shot up a school, nobody cared, man. I did kill somebody. You knew he didn’t do dishes. That’s right. I had a gun. In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on fatherhood, infidelity and politics. That’s right. Religion’s kind of like salt. “Get yourself a number eight⦠dry.”, Just trying to find God before God finds me. Has that ever happened in your life? What the fuck? These girls fuck fast now. I wasn’t a good husband. Dude, I was not, like, a good husband. Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut está disponível na Netflix Brasil. That’s what⦠Everybody’s parents in here, that’s what a relationship was. And you gotta fuck no matter what mood you in. But I didn’t give him five dollars for him, I gave him five dollars for me. Play it right. Sand you can drown in. We’re at war with extremists. Winter is coming. You ever see a porcupine? Nobody would watch that show. That’s how Trump became president. Here’s my question. For 16 years. Rape on.” But if you’re in jail for parking tickets and somebody’s fucking you in your ass, you’re like⦠“I should have moved that car. That’s why there’s so many fat kids in school right now. You get a dirty shirt. A lot of teeth been lost over tone. I’d need a Asian girl with a Black girl’s ass that speaks Spanish⦠just to get my dick to move an inch. Devil making it rain at the strip club. Fuck her.”, Oh, man. That’s right. Trying to raise these kids, man. When did Elmer Fudd get really mad at Bugs Bunny? You talk about it too long and you will get shot. But they’re not gonna take her. Tell the kids the truth. Eyes on the fucking prize! You could have a 12:00 flight and leave your house at 11:30. Show them the picture, right? One of them bad Suge Knight mortgages where your house is just looking at you, like, “Where’s my money, bitch?” “It’s death row, motherfucker!”, That’s right. What the fuck is that shit? Nah, man. Get the fuck away from me.”. We caught up with the comedian on Instagram Live today. Here’s a picture of me. If you live with a woman, you don’t have a house. In his second comedy special for EPIX, Craig Ferguson puts his sometimes cheeky, always irreverent spin on universal topics from sex and drugs to rock & roll-including his hilarious experiences with Mick Jagger and Kenny G. © 2021 Scraps from the Loft. Then the judge was like, “Mr. Do not get mad at your woman. People think it’s the working woman. “I’mma smack him with a crispy hand. Kids are mean motherfuckers, okay? Some of these lessons, you just gotta learn. And they got up that morning, they brushed their teeth, they put on suits, they fixed their hair with the sole purpose of taking my shit. Preferably by another child. You know, you got bad fucking new, man. It was like⦠whoa. It’s like Hall & Oates. First rule, rule one, stop competing. Oh, man. You know, the more things change, the more things stay the same. I know it is, okay? Whenever the cops gun down an innocent Black man, they always say the same things. Yo, I’m tired of all the security. There’s guys, they think they’re with their wife right now. You know, ’cause Stevie’s been in the White House more than most presidents. That drive. '” And I’m like, I said, “How you doing, Rihanna?” You ever forget how old you are? The fact that he had to go through that whole day and watch me walk around and watch me⦠I was directing a movie. Let me ride it. Teachers do one half, bullies do the whole other half. If you’re in a relationship, let me try to help you right now, okay? You know what Mississippi’s like? One person can’t move it at all. Should’ve been a good deed. So⦠[chuckles] Then the party started, and Quest starts playing music, and it’s amazing. I got my kids. It’s not a fucking competition. Justin Covington Believes NYC Needs More DDR. That is her fucking house. Seconds. He actually gave her vegan cinnamon rolls. That’s what Whitey do. No, man. It’s a hard fucking job, man. I never heard of anybody getting cyber-kicked down a flight of stairs. The country⦔ We’re talking about election and stuff. We live in a country where two people can do the exact same crime, in the exact same place, at the exact same time, and get different sentences. That’s true, they got that right. And your husband has to come down to the morgue and identify the pussy so you could get a proper burial. Guys, we’re horrible cheats. “Rihanna fucked Eddie Griffin. You got to do what you got to do. They sit on a white toilet seat, burn their ass. You become, like, sexually autistic. I’m walking down the street, there’s always some kid, “Hey, good work, Chris. I know I said you gotta punch your Black son in the face, but, honestly, I believe all children should be punched in the face. That’s right. Black President 12, there might be a Wu-Tang reunion, but not⦠Not⦠Not now. I had a crazy⦠Last few years have been crazy for me, man. Who gives a fuck if you can code⦠if you start crying because your boss didn’t say hi? Even the Black judge comes to work with his lawyer, and he keeps his robe on all day. Yo, fellas, I hope none of you get divorced. All rights reserved. That was a swell trade, dick for dishes. Fucking and going places. ⪠All my chicks getting that washing set With their welfare check âª, ⪠Haha, all the mamis dame un beso All right âª, ⪠Yeah All my n*ggas rocking them fitted caps âª, ⪠Trying to get at this rap Know what I mean? In a house that slaves⦠Black people enjoying the White House, man. It’s called prices. It’s likeâ¦, Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut, [“Backseat Freestyle” by Kendrick Lamar playing], ⪠All my life I want money and power âª, ⪠Respect my mind Or die from lead shower âª, ⪠I pray my dick Get big as the Eiffel Tower âª, ⪠So I can fuck the world for 72 hours âª, ⪠My mind is livin’ on cloud nine⦠âª. You got to whoop that ass. I know, billion-dollar industry, just me, right? I got my kids, okay. You are in the service industry, okay? They’ll shoot 100 people and somebody will go, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” “As a matter of fact, if the gunman would have had a knife, he could have stabbed 100 people to death.” That’s what they say. And the house is the dealer. Richard finally says, “There’s a young man here. You know, we got cop problems, prices problems, we got some gun problems. You know who you are. Yeah. It’s your house, right? “I was talking about the country.” And I’d never felt so stupid in my life. Tomorrow’s Sunday. Wheel!” Then you get to the resort and you’re like, “Jamaica’s nice. She got three lawyers, I got three lawyers. Like on one hand, I’m a Black man, so I’m like, “Fuck the police.” And on the other hand, I own property. Shit, man. Your woman finds out, and now, she’s new. Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut. Somebody gets gunned down, you see that shit on TV, next thing you know, you watch TV and all you hear are clichés. America don’t care about no guns. “I can’t believe there’s no gas in the car.” “I can’t believe there’s so much mold in the basement.” Shit, I’d eat pussy on 9/11. That’s right. Tell the kids the fucking truth! But he gave you good dick. So I’m there, and it’s me, and Ahmir is there, and Jay-Z, Beyoncé, Oprah, Steve⦠It’s like I died and went to Black heaven, right? Prices are the new Jim Crow, baby. Then how come you’re a vice principal? That’s right, just break up. People will say, “Oh, when we got together, it was so much fun but then problems arose.” No, they didn’t. And as I’m walking out the White House, I look up on the wall and I see a picture of George Washington with a bloody tear coming out of his eye. When they got together, they actually used to talk. If you haven’t been having sex, that’s gonna be hard. That’s right. Chris.Rock.Total.Blackout.The.Tamborine.EXTENDED.2021.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG.mp4 (1.87 GB) RARBG.txt (30 bytes) RARBG_DO_NOT_MIRROR.exe (99 bytes) True, true, you know. How do you stay together? I wanna live in a world where an equal amount of white kids are shot every month. It’s ugly, sticky, shitting all over the place. Look, every day before my kids leave for school, I get them at the door, I’m like, “Lola, Zahra, check this out. Some people say young Black teenagers are an endangered species. You got to beat your Black son good. Pussy embargo. What’s going on? I need you to grab his leg and don’t let go. That is a bad mortgage. You know? So⦠“Kids have to learn to hate.” Get the fuck out of here. And watch me be me in all my glory. âª, ⪠Can I live, for all my n*ggas With all white Air Force Ones âª. But I brought this on myself, man. Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut (2021). Stop competing. “Uh, yo, Crips, can you send Little JJ down?” “Oh, he’s here already?” “My bad. And somebody will come on TV, you know, they’ll just talk, like, “Hey, you know, guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” That’s what they’ll say. As with everything Marvel, scratch the surface of this show and youâll find a host of nods to both comics and MCU history. That’s all it is. We’ve got a fucked up justice system, okay? Nope, nope. Here’s the thing. In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on fatherhood, infidelity, and politics. There ain’t never gonna be no gun control. Okay, fellas, tonight, when you go home, I want you to try⦠I want you to try⦠Fellas, when you go home tonight, I want you to try to hang up a picture of your mother. She was asking me about other dudes. Are you fucking kidding me? I’m done. What the fuck does that n*gga do that can help you out? I’ll be all right. Bed-Stuy, do or die. âNo Joke: Chris Rock and Gayle Kingâ features exclusive extended footage from the comedianâs latest Netflix special. Just ready to quit. It’s gonna be good.”. That’s right. But, uh⦠A couple⦠Kid Rock or somebody. [Jimmy Fallon] Were you at the, uh, White House party? He invented Facebook just to get friends. You’re both there to serve. Yo, shit has changed. You know? I’m trying to fucking help you, okay? You don’t wanna get divorced, let me tell you right now. I thought it was Good Friday. Starring: Chris Rock. No, don’t clap for that shit unless you’re a lawyer. You\'ll receive the next newsletter in your inbox. It’s like, the world is cold as a motherfucker, okay? ‘Cause there’s nobody to take their lunch money. But that shit was like humiliating, man, trying to prove your parenthood, man. “Ooh, he stabbed me. Check out a clip of Rock announcing the special below, in which he refers to Total Blackout as âfor the first time in history, a remixed version of a specialâ â also a âhot remixâ: Already a subscriber? Love guns. Enjoy the game.”, God never shows up at those times. And you’re mad ’cause you can’t hang up a picture of your mother. Nope, nope, not for you. Smart people find other people to work for them. When hunting with my grandfather, I shot a rabbit. I wasn’t talking about me.”. Like, “I can’t take this shit. You can drown dry. The comedian made ⦠Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words (2010) – Transcript, Vir Das: Outside in – The Lockdown Special (2020) – Transcript, Larry the Cable Guy – Remain Seated (2020) – Transcript, Craig Ferguson: Just Being Honest (2015) – Transcript. “Daddy, my ass is burning.” “It’s white, motherfucker, it’s white. Seems odd that a perfect being would rest. Now, somebody’s killing my ass. Take it. I have a weird relationship with the cops, man. Do you think God meant to make quicksand? You ever watch Bugs Bunny? âª, ⪠Got your little radio play Your little BDS, huh âª, ⪠Can I live, yo, you’re being stingy With the fucking music again, yo âª, ⪠Yo, yo⦠Yo I blacks out I pulls the MAC out âª, ⪠Scream “What’s that about?” Then I clap out âª, ⪠I get my plot on and my drop on Through the rotten âª, ⪠Don’t even hate on those who hate me I got Pac on âª, ⪠Feeling it Chickens are ice grilling it âª, ⪠Cops pulling it over Jigga react militant âª, ⪠Speed off Officer told me turn the beat off âª, ⪠I turned it a level higher Then return the devil’s fire âª, ⪠I’m raised different React in situations n*ggas lay stiff in âª, ⪠Rookies blame it on the age difference âª, ⪠My subliminal flows Create criminal odes âª, ⪠Sing along if y’all with me Till the end of the road âª, ⪠I’m cynical When in the view of the public âª, ⪠And this is because I’m defensive when I’m in interviews âª, ⪠The percentage who don’t understand Is higher than the percentage who do âª, ⪠Check yourself What percentage is you? Bullies rule⦠We need bullies. It’s so easy to catch us ’cause it’s always the new chick. You’re like, “Ah, keep licking. Mortgage makes you act right. When guys cheat, it’s like, we want something new. Y’all take care. ‘Cause a housewife has convinced her husband that it’s his house, too. It’s not really my lane. ‘Cause endangered species are protected by the government. We have a no-bully policy. I need to see some pages.”, Yo, man. Rock first revealed the news of the special on Twitter and Instagram on December 23, and today Netflix announced the premiere date. Yo. What is that shit? She goes, “I want you to know the school has absolutely no bullies. But you watch the news and it’s like, “Well, we can’t change the gun laws because every American has the right to protect their home.” Every American has the right to protect their home. They used to actually miss each other. That’s right. [Jimmy Fallon] Were you at the, uh, White House party? Let me get on top. Yo, ladies, if you got a good husband, got a good man, hold on tight, or another woman will take your husband. My fame kicks in right about here. I’mma be here 30 more years. You’re never sitting courtside at a Knick game, getting a hand job from Halle Berry, and God shows up. When my kid was two, she was biting kids on the playground. Think about it. “Daddy. You know, I just thought I was the shit, man. You?” “Come on, Chris, what the fuck is wrong with you?” “What the fuck is wrong with men?”, I know a bunch of women are thinking that right now. TwinsthenewTrend, Loved Their, Eric Andre Goes from Pranking the MTA to Doing Its Announcements. Every woman here right now is like, “Fuck you, Chris. I’m out of here. I fucked up, man. But that’s not true. Everybody was there. Here’s the thing about a pussy strike. That’s a pretty ambitious thing to say. Gun control. Stage banter takes on a different â deeper â meaning as the comedian performs online shows to homebound viewers worldwide from his Mumbai residence. You can’t go nowhere, you can’t even come to this motherfucking show. Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut 2021 TV-MA 1h 37m Stand-Up Comedy In this extended cut of his 2018 special, Chris Rock takes the stage for a special filled with searing observations on fatherhood, infidelity and politics. That was a tense negotiation. I cheated. The original âTamborineâ release has a 100% fresh rating among critics on Rotten Tomatoes. Hug a piece of coal and watch what you get. And that’s the half you’re gonna use as a fucking grown-up. When the cops see me walking down the street, they’re like, “N*gga, n*gga, n*gga, n*gga, n*gga.” “Hey, that’s Chris Rock!” “Man, you are funny, man. The studio has acquired the rights to the Tony-winning Rodgers and Hammerstein musical. From William OâNeal to Fred Hampton, these are the real people and stories that make up Shaka Kingâs new movie about Black Panther history. You gotta get your kids ready for the white man. You can’t wait for the Holy Ghost to just get you. Please let me get on with this show. What the fuck, man? I haven’t been to church in ten years. Okay? Eddie and Richard only got together for the movie. What was I thinking? Kids are horrible people. That’s right. Rock inked a two-special deal with Netflix back in 2016, chris rock: total blackout the tamborine extended cut. And everybody in there is there to take my money. Everybody got to play the tambourine. She ain’t with you, she with me. Ain’t no shame in renting. Okay? You know what they buy with all that money? Whoo! He could’ve been my friend. That ought to handle your n*gga problem right there. Whatever you need, take it. The more you fuck him, the weaker he is. We’ve got a justice system for Black, for white, for rich, for poor. That’s right. Anybody ask you what you did tonight, you go, “I made a difference.”. The new edition, Chris Rock Total Blackout: The Tamborine Extended Cut , boasts a mix of new jokes, ⦠And when somebody does you wrong, just give ’em a kiss. Everybody. We got break up booths in the back. You can’t threaten a man with sex he don’t ever get. Every man in this room is a job loss away from losing their woman. So⦠I see Charles Barkley, we talk for a minute, right? We got rid of bullies, a real bully showed up, and nobody knew how to handle him. Extremists. That’s all you should be doing. There ain’t nothing better than a good mortgage. Was that the dream? I got to get them ready for the white man. They used to have signs up that said, “Whites only.” They used to have signs up that said, “No Blacks allowed.” Now they got something new. So before Daddy come home, the housewife get the kids together and they rehearse a little play⦠that they do when Daddy get home. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something, okay? Yep, yep. Don’t be the one that’s always threatening to leave, too. We’re up to 16. Fifty people, sixty people, that many people, whatever, dead. If you got a mortgage that’s like that, then your God has shined His light on you. If you’re not, then you’re fucking up as a parent, okay? I think the act of helping God is sacrilegious. But before you leave, you better⦠You better make sure you got some options. You’re going too hard on the cops, man. They right in your back pocket. Tell you right, if you got somebody you love, hold tight. Just three?” “Goddamn, man.” “I work at UPS.